


and i can't get my head to say anything my heart could ever understand

by yeehawpaulson



Category: Ocean's 8 (2018)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, Pre-Canon, Queerplatonic Relationships, i kinda hate this actually, i think, this is short but i had it laying around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 21:34:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30061866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeehawpaulson/pseuds/yeehawpaulson
Summary: debbie and lou hit the peak of their rough patch
Relationships: Lou Miller & Debbie Ocean, Lou Miller/Debbie Ocean
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	and i can't get my head to say anything my heart could ever understand

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh loosely inspired by Asystole by Hayley Williams

A loud thud against the hotel room door sent Lou careening towards the entryway in a panic. Debbie had left without warning hours ago and she’d begun to worry. Before she even had a chance to look through the peephole, Lou heard a familiar voice through the heavy door,  
“Lou, it’s me, let me in,” she said flatly, annoyance dripping from her voice.  
Lou opened the door and almost fell over as Debbie shoved her way past. She stumbled into the room, kicking empty bottles across the floor.  
“What the fuck, Debbie?”  
She just threw her bag onto the floor.  
“Where the hell were you?”  
She turned into the bathroom, slamming the door.  
“Hey, Ocean! What. The. Fuck?”  
Debbie opened the door a crack and glared at the blonde on the other side,  
“Would you please give me a minute? Or is that too hard for you, Lou?” she spat, but shut the door softly this time as a pang of guilt settled in her chest.  
It was unusual for her to feel guilty after a job, this was her life for fuck’s sake. It crossed her mind that perhaps she was being harsh with Lou, but she honestly didn’t give a shit, not when Lou had been acting weird for this long with no explanation. Shaking her head, she listened as Lou bitched and moaned against the door,  
“Deb, would you open the door? Where were you? Talk to me,” she whined.  
Debbie rolled her eyes as she dragged a comb through her hair and washed her face. She heard Lou knocking quietly as if she hadn’t just been yelling through the door. 

Debbie flung the door open,  
“You’re drunk.”  
Lou stared at her incredulously, drink sloshing in her cup, as if what she’d stated wasn’t true, as if she hadn’t spent her entire afternoon alone drinking bottle after bottle of cheap wine.  
“Were you running a job?” Lou asked, deflecting, a look of understanding crossing her face as she eyed the duffel bag in the doorway.  
Debbie didn’t answer, just stared at the floor and attempted to gauge exactly how wasted Lou was. 

Debbie had been running a job -- her standard bingo gig. She’d done them alone before and she’d do them alone again, but this time, she hadn’t even told Lou it was happening.  
“Debbie, if you ran another goddamn job without telling me after what happened last time I swear… ” Lou scoffed, flailing her arms around loosely, seemingly unphased by the clear liquid slipping over the lip of her glass.  
Debbie spun around on her heel, completely livid,  
“Fuck, Lou! I fucking told you I was doing this one. I actually told you!”  
Lou stared at her, startled by the anger in her voice.  
“You didn’t tell me, Deb, I would’ve-”  
“No. I told you, and you were too busy sulking over whatever the hell you were sulking about to listen!” Debbie snapped, cutting Lou off. “And you can’t still be mad about what happened. My job didn’t work and I was alone. So fucking what? I’m fine!”  
Lou couldn’t form any words to respond. In her drunken state, she was completely mesmerized by Debbie (something about Debbie that pissed off was really doing it for her), but on the other she was right pissed off that she was being spoken to that way. 

Seeing the blank look in Lou’s eyes, Debbie crossed the room, obviously done with the conversation. Lou reached out and grabbed her wrist,  
“Deb, I’m sorry. You’re right… I love you,” she said desperately, but her words grew quieter as she spoke.  
Debbie wanted so badly to lean into her touch, to forgive Lou again. Forgive Lou like she always did, because it was Lou and things were easy with her. Debbie couldn’t though, couldn’t keep avoiding everything for the sake of their relationship.  
“You’re drunk,” Debbie repeated plainly, as if her statement carried no weight, as if she hadn’t just shrugged off years of trust and friendship by ignoring Lou’s words. “You’re fucking drunk. And maybe if you weren’t always fucking drunk I would’ve told you about this job. And the last one. And the one before that that you were so blacked out you didn’t even remember I left in the first place.”

They just stood there. Minutes passed with Debbie’s words hanging in the air.  
“Debbie, I really am trying. I’m so sorry. I love you so much,” Lou whispered, almost scared to make a sound and break the spell that was holding them together at that moment.  
Debbie’s eyes softened for a second as she was reminded of who she was speaking to. This was Lou, not her brother. Lou was serious and genuine in spite of the alcohol that coursed through her body. She was painfully aware of the weight of her words and how crucial it was that she not fuck this up. The potent potential of losing Debbie in this moment was sobering.

Debbie shrugged her wrist out of Lou’s grip and turned away from her. God she couldn’t think with Lou staring at her like that. She couldn’t think with Lou at all-- all her common sense went out the window when she was around, replaced by a visceral need for Lou. She couldn’t breathe anymore. She couldn’t sit by and watch Lou waste away before her eyes. Despite how selfish Debbie knew she was being, she couldn’t be around her best friend anymore. She knew Lou was hurting, but she was too, and she needed space.

“Lou,” Debbie said, turning towards her.  
Lou looked at her, face filling with hope -- the unadulterated kind that she’d only ever experienced with Debbie. In that moment Debbie knew that that face -- Lou’s face -- would be the death of her. The face that was perfect even after three bottles of wine (and whatever else she’d found) and an intensely emotional argument (if it could even be called that) with your best friend (the love of your life).  
“I need to leave.”  
Lou’s face broke, tears welling up and eyes screwing shut. Her body seemed to cave in on itself, as if Debbie’s words had completely shattered Lou’s being.  
“Debbie, please don’t,”  
“Lou, I’m really sorry, but I need… I need a break I think.”  
Lou stared at Debbie as she moved towards the door. It felt like a dream, like she’d wake up and Debbie would be laying beside her like she always was.  
“Call me when you’re ready?”  
Lou nodded, wiping tears from her face. Deep down she knew they both needed this, but she wasn’t ready to admit it. She wasn’t prepared to lose her favourite person, even if it was temporary.  
“Love you, Deb,” she called after the brunette as she walked out the door.  
“Love ya, babe.”  
And she was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't even ship loubbie anymore why did i write this


End file.
